J&J's Headache-Relieving Earnings, Coke's Healthy Earnings in Emerging Markets, and Yahoo!'s "Turnar

So why are investors pumped? Because of Yahoo!'s exclamation point-worthy 24% stake in the Alibaba Group, the e-commerce mammoth of Asia. Not only did the megasite recently announce its initial public offering in the U.S. later this fall, but Yahoo! also reported Tuesday that Alibaba's revenues rose 66% to $3.1 billion last quarter. Not too shabby.

The takeaway is that Wall Street has been keeping a close eye on the once-struggling Yahoo! ever since Marissa Mayer became CEO in late 2012. In addition to rebranding with a new logo, word on the street is that Mayer is now planning to budget millions of dollars for half-hour Yahoo! comedy shows and other turnaround tricks. Investors are excited for anything that will prevent the company from disappearing like your middle-school AOL screen name.

2. Coca-Cola stock pops, despite flat sales
Sip on this. Classic American beverage phenom Coca-Cola announced first-quarter earnings Tuesday that dropped 2% compared with the year before. That's actually what Wall Street expected, but overall drink sales were up 2%. Some caffeine-worthy highlights in emerging markets and non-soda drinks made the results impressive.
 
So why did the stock rise 3.7% Tuesday? Emerging markets. Sales in countries without nationwide indoor plumbing are booming (up 12% in China, 6% in Russia, and 4% in Brazil). The proud Atlanta-based member of the Dow also hopes that Brazil's 2014 World Cup and 2016 Summer Olympics sell Coca-Cola as well as its sponsorships did in the Atlanta '96 Olympics (the Games with the weird, '90s-looking mascot, Izzy, that you thought was kind of cool as a kid).
 
The bad news was that volumes of carbonated soft drinks (i.e., "pop" for our readers up north) dropped 1% globally, the first quarterly decline for Coke since 1999. But that drop is led by the U.S. and other developed countries in Europe. Apparently word is out that consuming mountains of sugar is bad for you and people are listening (thanks, First Lady Michelle Obama and former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg).
 
The takeaway is that sales of non-carbonated drinks, like PowerAde and Vitamin Water, grew 8%. These "other" Coke products represent only 25% of the company's global sales, but health campaigns and global warming (Coke's polar bears are sweating in this heat) continue to discourage people in developed countries from drinking soda.

3. Johnson & Johnson earnings ease investors' pain
Their profits were so nice, they named it twice. Shares of pharmaceutical legend Johnson & Johnson rose 2.1% Tuesday after reporting first-quarter earnings -- JNJ's $18.1 billion in revenues from January through March were a 3.5% rise from the same period last year, while profits popped almost 8%.

Drugs are bad, but prescription drugs are good -- especially for JNJ over the past few months. While the company pops out rock stars of the medical world, like Aveeno and Listerine, its worldwide pharmaceutical sales jumped over 10%. Leading the charge were HIV drug Prezista, psoriasis drug Stelara, and (just in time for SAT season) ADHD drug Concerta.

The takeaway is that investors can finally take a chill pill. Back in January, Johnson & Johnson had lowered its forecasts for 2014 as a number of its patents expire. But the company's first-quarter performance made Wall Street feel better than a couple of pops of Vicodin, and JNJ raised its 2014 full-year earnings forecasts as a result.

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