Filed under: Life Stage Lessons
"I think people just have trouble accepting their own mortality," said Ken Cutler, the Princeton, New Jersey, attorney helping to update my will. And the only purpose of a will is to deal with issues involving your death.
Flashback to 22 Years Ago
Let's start with the will my wife and I prepared after the birth of our son. We were both working and had retirement plans, some savings and life insurance -- but we were far from wealthy. Obviously, if I passed away, everything would go to my wife: all of the assets, all of the responsibilities. But the hard decisions were about control: Who would be the guardian to raise our little boy in the event that we both passed away (which is not quite as unlikely as it sounds, because of car accidents and the like), and who would handle the money we had left for him.
"A lot of times people go in to do a will thinking it's about, "Who will get my property?" But it's a lot more complicated than that," said Cutler. "You don't come in thinking about having to decide between a sister or a brother-in-law, or who's going be the guardian."
After weighing our choices, we decided that my wife's younger brother was the best fit. He had two young boys of his own.
Our Situation Is Different Today
Back to today. We first met with Cutler about two years ago, when our son was about to turn 21. He told us what was involved in crafting a new plan: selecting trustees and executors, dealing with estate taxes and maybe setting up a trust account. We waffled, interviewed other attorneys, and put the task back on the to-do list, where it sat. College graduation motivated us to try again.
My wife and I drew up power of attorney documents and health care directives that appoint each other to handle those responsibilities. Our son is the back-up.
Cutler laid out the new issues we'd have to consider, such as the possibility that we'll have a daughter-in-law one day, and maybe even grandchildren. These future family members ought to be accounted for well before we even know who they are. "You want to plan for and avoid a situation in a young marriage, and prevent the in-law from receiving your money" if the marriage dissolves.
And even though we are fortunate to have a son who is sensible and wise beyond his years, we wouldn't want him to suddenly find himself in possession of an inheritance in a form that could easily be blown. So, at Cutler's suggestion, we have established terms in our wills for a trustee who would give him access to the money at three stages over the next few decades, if we're not here to spend it ourselves.
